4/15/25

moving blues and clinical trial

hey y’all! i moved back to Florida about a month and a half ago. was staying in the Bay Area for “work” with a “friend” but it didn’t exactly go as planned. frankly, the process of coming back to Florida has not been too amazing. my flight was booked pretty last second, so it was quite costly. also the expense of shipping my stuff home was all a pretty big hit :/

while i was away there was def things i missed. my friends, my brother and the lower cost of living. i’ve been spending a ton time with a couple of my friends and my brother. got introduced to a cool new spot where fellow annoying alt ppl hang and i have been trying to go pretty often.

(not telling u niggas where cuz i don’t wanna get doxxed)

but honestly the thing i missed the most was my room. i was crashing on a living room pull out for about 6 months out there, so having my own space again was constantly on the forefront of my mind. i shipped back a Sony Trinitron that i got for free while staying in The Bay. it has a couple problems but it’s been a dream come true to finally own one of these. for CRT heads, it’s usually one of the higher standard ones that ppl cream over. i don’t really have an intricate setup planned for it right now, so i just grabbed 4 of my dads record crates and threw that bitch on top. it’s also connected to a cute lil Zenith CRT for dual display. i set it up to run my PS2, PS1, and Wii. The Wii is modded and acts as my media player to watch any downloaded content, (mostly just Di Gi Charat lol) and been using it to play Metal Slader Glory (which is amazing btw. looks decent enough, it’s picture is better than anything i’ve owned in the past. still chipping away at my video essay about the Evangelion “dating sims” super excited to have that done…..eventually.

now to pull back the curtain for a sec, i have really not been doing all too great mentally. i have been in a pretty bad slump. i’ve found it harder than normal to focus as of late. usually i can overcome my ADD with pure willpower but, lately it’s been pretty crippling. i have had no luck so far and getting a new job. i am very used to the structure of working, it keeps me on track. but for whatever reason no one wants to hire my goofy ass. this has been the longest i’ve been without having a job since i was 16. my newly purchased label printer broke during shipping, which caused the already behind keep5 orders to get pushed even farther behind while i came to a solution. as of writing this, i am finally caught up and everything is finally shipped. (new cheap label printer clutched) anyway, hoping things get better soon.

okay enough sad bullshit… let’s talk:

one morning i woke up hungover and honestly pretty depressed. saw some random tiktok with this video. i thought it looked really cool, but wanted context. watched ManlyBadassHero’s playthrough on YouTube in one sitting and was left…..FUCKING OBSESSED.

MINOR SPOILERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!as someone who has played a fuck ton of RPGmaker games, i tend to kinda have an idea of how these games usually go, but this subverted my expectations many times. it’s a character-focused narrative, no combat, 2.5 hours, focused on patient-practitioner relations. and wow this game captures autism SO WELL. it really nuanced in its writing, the main character angel’s tendency to bite their hoodie string instantly let me know the person making this, was cooking. the art is really charming, and the variety of expressive character portraits kept me engaged. honestly, this game was made for me. the second i finished this game i forced it down anyone who would listen’s throat. it’s just that good.

OKAY LAST CHANCE FUCKHEADS, MAJOR SPOILERS! (please go play this game)

was very surprised when i saw that only about an hour of the game was spent on the clinical trials, you spend the second half in Lee’s place watching a very charming yet awkward romance between Angel and Lee take place.

i immediately drew parallels between their relationship and ones of my own, to the point where it was honestly uncomfortable to see how accurate of a ADHD on ADHD couple these 2 felt. However, the ending is pretty nuts. ending one where Angel rejects Lee feels kinda safe. ending 2 feels the most “right” to me. don’t get me wrong, it has a dirty feeling to it too. but frankly the online discourse of people saying it’s “not realistic”, don’t know insane alt couples like i do, U-HAUL lesbians are real y’all. people with fucked up lives, tend to honeymoon FAST, when they feel they have found “the one”. Angel being somewhat okay with Lee’s actions doesn’t feel out of character for someone as corned as they are. sorry ending 2 is cannon, dying on this hill i don’t care.

hx if u read this far! to clarify, don’t worry too much about me. my life is usually pretty awesome, and will likely be awesome again soon. working my ass off to make this coming Goblin Mart event amazing! see y’all there.